


i placed all my trust at the foot of this hill

by teamcap



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Sunrises, but maybe someone will like it, i guess, this is... i'm not sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-04 23:23:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16799104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamcap/pseuds/teamcap
Summary: He likes sunrises in a way he has no words for. They feel like a fresh start. A blank page and the covered in colors that Steve paints with. A mark of certainty. Steve might get sick, but the sun will still rise. Bucky might get drafted, but the sun will still rise. It stops for no one. Bucky likes that.“You get up too early,” Steve says through a yawn one morning.“I like to watch the sun rise,” Bucky shrugs.“Very poetic of you,” Steve says, and Bucky smiles.





	i placed all my trust at the foot of this hill

**Author's Note:**

> for my lovely friend billie who asked for steve/bucky + sunrises or sunsets. i picked sunsets and now here we are
> 
> it's 3 am and this hasnt been proofread so... bear with me

He wakes up first. This is routine - Bucky’s internal clock goes off long before anyone or anything else is awake, just in case something happens while Steve sleeps. The attacks that come while he’s sleeping are the worst, always, waking up and not being able to breathe. So Bucky wakes up first.

On the summer days, he goes out onto the balcony and leaves the door open, and he sits with his legs hanging over the side and watches the sunrise. He likes sunrises in a way he has no words for. They feel like a fresh start. A blank page and the covered in colors that Steve paints with. A mark of certainty. Steve might get sick, but the sun will still rise. Bucky might get drafted, but the sun will still rise. It stops for no one. Bucky likes that. 

“You get up too early,” Steve says through a yawn one morning. 

“I like to watch the sun rise,” Bucky shrugs.

“Very poetic of you,” Steve says, and Bucky smiles.

-

Even in another country, thousands of miles away, an entire ocean between them, Bucky can’t quite shake his early rising. There’s no one to check on here. Not really. So he climbs out of the tent and sits on the grass next to it. 

Eventually, everyone else is up too, digging around for something to eat. Bucky stays by the tent. His extensive mornings of getting up and waiting for the sunrise bring no witty remarks now. And when it comes up, it shines on him just the same, and he is warm and hollow.

-

Steve looks at Peggy the way Bucky tries not to look at Steve. He’s grown quite fond of her, really. He thinks she may be the best person anyone will ever know. In the most genuine way that he can be, Bucky is happy for them. They fit together. They make as much sense as anything can.

They sit side by side on the grass. It’s still dark, and Bucky hasn’t slept. He doesn’t much, not anymore. 

“You still get up too early,” Steve says quietly. I could have been first, Bucky thinks. I never said anything, he thinks, but you know.

“Yeah, well, you were up first, punk,” is what he says. Steve knocks their shoulders together.

“Jerk.” 

The sunrise is late, and it’s diluted. Bucky feels like he might throw up. He pushes it down.

-

Sun tinged with dark seeps through a tiny window. One of the men pulls the blinds down, and everything is cold.

-

The winter soldier has no favorites of anything. He spends most of his time empty. Blank. He has missions, targets, whirring machines. Blank, mission, complete, machine. Blank, mission, complete, machine. Blank, mission, complete, machine. The image of the sun coming over a skyline stays in his head.

He doesn’t really like anything. He doesn’t know anything. But sunrises make him feel a bit like waking up after a deep sleep. 

They take a very long time to get out of his head, but he is always blank again.

The winter soldier wakes up early, and he sees sunrises all over the world. The more he sees, the longer they take to go away, and he begins to like them. In Greece, the colors fall over white buildings like spilled paint, and in Finland the sun shines off of the lakes like nothing he has ever seen. He keeps fragments of these between machines.

Sunrises in Brooklyn feel like someone has draped a thick blanket over his shoulders. He gets too hot, and he remembers them.

-

He doesn’t know who Bucky is. The name sits in his chest. It surrounds him like buildings lining streets he has walked down before but can’t remember. 

Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. He can’t remember. Blank.

He knew the man on the bridge. He knew him.

He is empty again. A spider trapped under a glass. He screams louder than usual this time. Blank, Bucky, sunrises in Brooklyn. 

-

Things come back slowly. Brooklyn, Steve, the war. Falling comes first. Everything he did comes last. 

He remembers all of them, eventually. 

Sometimes he watches sunrises through the window in his apartment. It’s small and it’s cheap but it’s his. He feels like a person again, slowly. 

Sometimes as he watches, he thinks of all the people he hurt. He has seen so many sunrises that they haven’t. Sometimes, he feels more monster than man.

-

He has goats. 

In Wakanda, he has goats. They make little noises and eat more than he thinks anything should be able to. In the mornings he sits and watches them as the sun rises and something in him is warm. Airy. He likes having something to take care of. 

He thinks he can be a person again. It seems more and more likely as they work to undo everything Hydra did. Being a new version of himself is odd. It’s a change he tries to get used to but he’s not quite suited to it. Changing from whoever he used to be to all machine, half machine, whoever he is now. He has been many different people and he thinks he likes this one best. 

Steve seems to like him too, which is nice. They skype now, which Bucky doesn’t understand at all, but Shuri fixes it for him and then he can see Steve on the computer screen.

“You look good, Buck,” Steve says the first time. Bucky smiles. They talk for a long time, about everything, and when Bucky asks if he wants to see all the goats, Steve laughs and says yes. Bucky feels fuzzy, like static.

Later, he’ll hug Steve, and it will be the last good thing.

-

He has died before. He feels that the train should count even if his body was still alive. The fall killed Bucky for as long as it could.

“Steve?” He says, asks, and he falls again.

He doesn’t know where they are, and maybe it doesn’t matter. It all looks a bit like a sunrise. The idea makes him feel sick. 

He will never know how long they are there, or what it takes to bring them back. This is what he knows: when he comes back, it feels like waking after being asleep for a very long time, and Steve is not there. Natasha tries to tell him; he hears it but he does not listen.

The thing is, he has died before. He has fallen off of a train and he has fallen into dust. He has died twice, but Bucky has only died once.

-

He aches. It never quite goes away.

Bucky gives into it all many years later. His hair is still long but it is greying. He hasn’t fought in a very long time, and his body is tired. It’s much easier now.

Everything looks like a sunrise, like the ones in Brooklyn, sewn together in a quilt and placed on his shaking shoulders. Cold now, he accepts the warmth graciously. He cocoons himself in it. 

It’s not long until he comes.

“It’s been a long time,” Steve says. Bucky nods. “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“I never told you,” Bucky says. “Would it have mattered?”

“I wish I’d known.” Silence, for a moment, until Steve speaks up again. “I guess this is it, Buck. End of the line.” Bucky stares out into wherever they’re at - he has half a mind to say it’s Brooklyn, many lifetimes ago.

“I don’t think it is.” He smiles, Steve knocks their shoulders together. 

Bucky has seen more sunrises than he ever thought he would. This one is his favorite, and he goes into it gladly.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not entirely sure this makes any sense at all, but i hope someone likes it. you can find me @teamcaps on tumblr and i'm currently taking commissions!


End file.
